In a liquid existence
I long for things that should not be
corruption guards me
and I embrace these walls that cage me

Oh I can feel you everywhere
you who is not here
you whose words made me come alive

On the highway
in the middle of the night
bare feet on the pavement
the approaching lights make my
heart beat faster

And then I slide up into your skin
cause I no longer want to be
with the one I'm in
the water caresses it's ease
deep into my soul
come deeper
death is easier
I know you'll yield to me

*****

After loving and losing
time after time
I find there isn't enough of me left
to completely abandon myself to you.

Though you seem content with the pieces
I know better
and I know that once again
as we pass together in time
this lack of myself
or rather, whats left over
or just the total emptiness I have to offer
cannot truly be enough for you

And in our end you will become
just the same as the ones in my past
taking as much as i have left
or that I allow you to take
or give to you freely

And in leaving, or being left
I'll find myself only slightly more empty
than when we started

Though I'm sure your intentions
were to add to my life
and lift me up out of this pitiful mess
get my feet on something solid
so I can climb up and out.
I know you mean to protect
but...this is why I'm terrified of you

don't forget to blog

i SUCK at this blog thing! why would you go and assign something for the whole semester that I am going to have the worst trouble remembering to do! and now i've probably screwed myself and absolutly cannot get a good grade because i've lost so much time. ugh! i'm going to write post-it notes and stick them all around my house, and if that doesn't work then i'll just write it on my forhead in permenate marker- DONT FORGET TO BLOG. i hate blogging.

today

today was a long, nice peaceful day, and i called in sick to work, and went out instead. and hopefully tomorrow i'll get my act together and finish my homework....gotta love the weekend

conviction

Pricky pricky pins
all across my sins
Pride takes my balance
and I dip my fingers in
Silence creeps across my walls
like the chaos in your voice
It comes to where I am
slowly becomes my shadow
Unwillingly I stand
with-in my soul it rattles
Your eyes are drops of sky
your lips are my edge
If I could drink you in
I would never thirst again
Ah, but you've left me empty
like a shoreless ocean
And all that it contains
suddenly startles my notion
Of a bottomless plague
that i've kept here in a bottle
(I long for the fragrance of forgiveness)
Instead I tilt my head back and swallow
the liquid of my conviction

internet access

finally i have internet and a new comuter at my freakin house so i can get on here and catch up on my work and not have to drive al the way across town to my ma's house.....its just so nice! woo hoo!!!

death riding a bike

dude i saw the creepiest thing ever on my way to school today. you know how in movies and cartoons death is displayed in a hooded cloak with the pointy tip and hollow face, or no face at all...well i think he was riding a bike down national st. today, really i swear! but it was a tiny little thing with skinny arms and legs just a crusin. probably it was just a small girl with a face mask on but at a quick glance, it could have been him.....who knows